Time, Loyalty, and the Exclusion of Other Options

One of my acquaintances recently remarked that she is partisan to the point where she cannot acknowledge any good done on the part of the current Canadian government. But their recent proposal to force cable companies to unbundle their channels has won them her wholehearted approval on that point.

This move is even drawing cheers from media outlets south of the boarder. Apparently, the right of consumers to customize their cable package is unifying force in our divided times—a common interest we must assert (my favorite channels) against a common enemy who would deny us that interest (the cable company).

Because the thing no one in our society can tolerate is the sense of being constrained. We are a culture that believes in order to be free, the individual ought keep open as many options as possible. We apply the have-it-your-way principle from decisions as small as hamburger toppings up to those as life-altering as careers.

Our commitment to non-commitment also has it's downside. It comes in those aspects of life where loyalty and time are required to develop a satisfying experience. I observe this primarily in the area of relationships, where becoming deeply connected requires a choice to eliminate other options and invest emotionally in another.

Of course, other people have their own needs and desires, and will likely end up failing in some way to meet our expectations for the relationship. So we keep our options open.

This is why our society is understood by outside observers as one in which people are quick to declare a friendship exists and able dispose of the relationship just as fast. This is why, when our spouses hurt us, we feel free to turn away from them in divorce, adultery, or that silent killer of marriages, the parallel lives accommodation wherein couples share a house but not a life.

This is why religion has become spirituality, because religion makes demands of us. Instead, drawing on multiple traditions one may invent a customized god who is compatible with ones goals and desires. Recognizing a God who is independent of me constitutes the ultimate restriction.

There is another highly regarded aspect of life that requires a similar level of dedication to relationships: athletics. One must be loyal to an athletic pursuit, put in the time, and deny other options in order to succeed. Athletics teaches us that the things in life that are most rewarding are often hard and difficult. Just as one must be able to endure a healthy level of physical pain and suffering to have athletic fulfillment, one must also be able to endure a healthy level of emotional pain and suffering to have relational fulfillment.

In a society that encourages us to move through life, using and discarding people as it suits us, it takes a brave soul to stand for loyalty and commitment. Don't think you can do it alone. Make the choice to commit to a God, a spouse, and friends who will support you in ways that develop a relationally fulfilling life.

This article was originally submitted for the Clergy Comments column of the Fort McMurray Today (October 25, 2013).