I hate making mistakes. One of the characteristics of my personality type is that I am plagued by a "haunting sense of impending failure" and am prone to "spend considerable time second-guessing" myself (via Typelogic). So when I make a mistake, I know it immediately and wonder how long it's going to take the conference to fire me.
The last couple of weeks have felt like one screw-up after another on my part. I feel them as a hollow fear in my stomach that drives me to alternately escape or work harder than before. Those days sometimes have me contemplating leaving the ministry altogether--the ultimate act of second guessing.
What I try to do at these times is ground myself in a second-opinion, because too much second guessing leads (counterintuitively) to less objectivity. My Senior Pastor, mentor, is a great source of encouragement. But when I feel like a total failure I start to think that even he's feeding me a line.
So then I go to God. I tell Him that if he wants me to quit my job because I'm too incompetent, all He needs to do is tell me. I'm leaving the choice up to Him, after all, He's the one who got me into this business.
He hasn't told me that yet....I feel a lot happier today.